Moid's Adventures in Mitakihara!
by The Moiderah of Writing
Summary: What if I was in Mitakihara? What if I was a part of this show? What if I was transferred here? What if this summary was godawful? What if what if summaries were the bane of my existence? What if this were a self-insert? What if I told you to take the blue pill? What if I hit you with a cricket bat? What if somebody stops wasting the ffdotnet server space by posting something good?
1. Chapter 1

…This is the story about a man named "Moid".

Moid was a relatively normal fellow. He drew occasionally. Slathered terrible looking pencil drawings on the wall while slacking off when he probably should have worked. He was well known for one terrible fanfiction, several okay-ish quests, and occasionally being an unlikable little piece of shit. Every day, he would wake up, go to class, pretend to pay attention, surf the internet, go back home, play video games, and go to sleep at a horrible hour, before repeating the cycle. And while most people would have considered this soul-crushing, he relished in it, as though this was what he was made to do.

And Moid was happy.

But then one day, something very peculiar happened. While he slept in his messy, poorly-kept apartment the previous night just as he always did, he woke up to find that he was in an alleyway. And he only did wake up when he smashed his head against a nearby dumpster.

"Ow, son of a _bitch!"_ He stumbled a bit, before he finally stood up. He was a man of average build and average height, ungainly and unshaven. His brown eyes had bags under them, and his messy black hair was, to say the least, unkempt at best and horrible and messy at worst. He wore a pair of glasses, and he was still dressed in Batman pyjamas.

He always slept in Batman pyjamas. Except when he didn't.

He adjusted his eyewear, and with that, they gleamed in the glow of a nearby streetlight. Who knew how he was going to survive in the dump?

_...Well, maybe it wasn't a dump,_ he thought to himself. _Perhaps it was just a dumpster that made me have this horrible impressoh okay yes that's a dumpster._ He walked around and ignored the stares of the people around him as they spoke in a completely different language. One that he recognized, but couldn't understand.

And when he saw a gigantic poster advertising the fourth Evangelion film, it was then that he realized. "...I'm in Japan? How the fuck did I get here?!" He shouted to nobody in particular. And as such, nobody in particular acknowledged him. He furrowed his eyebrows and mumbled swears, messages of hatred, more swears, and a personal goal to fucking punch whoever brought him to Japan.

Of course, that was before he stepped into a certainly strange location. Now, Moid himself was certainly a fan of Japanese pop culture. While he wasn't an expert, he did recognize somethings when he saw them. And so, in one brief instant, he realized that he wasn't only in Japan, but he was also in Mitakihara. And where there was Mitakihara, there were Incubators. And where there were Incubators...

"Motherfu-" He didn't have so much as a second to respond to anything. In a horrible visceral moment, he was sliced apart, and his parts were immediately scattered about the Witch's Labyrinth. His head was left intact and, for several seconds of consciousness, he began to wonder. "...Why?"

And then everything went black.


	2. Post Mortem

This is the story about a woman named "Mami Tomoe".

Mami was a magical girl, one whose strength relied heavily on her ability to go past adversity and survive whatever the city threw at her. Indeed, she had killed dozens of witches, countless familiars, and many, _many _other creatures that threatened the citizens of this place she called home.

However, on this particular day, she had encountered something rather…disconcerting.

It was the scattered remains of a man, spread around a labyrinth. It was only one man, and this man had just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And so when she killed the witch, Mami remembered to think about how lucky she was.

She belonged here.

She was home.

And she was strong.

But, eager to get down to business, she had to finish this witch off quickly, and had barely any time to think about the corpse she discovered. Why, she had to finish homework, which would affect her teachers' impressions of her, and by extension, the rest of her life.

So she finished the witch off, and turned to run back home.

* * *

Self-inserts are fucking awful.


End file.
